I Was Not Magnificent
by cazlove
Summary: Kylo honestly looks like he's trying to avoid a fight with her, even if his appearance indicates that fighting is something he's been doing a lot of lately, and she slams down a paper cup on the counter after writing Asshole on it. Or, when it finally hits Rey that she's dating the leader of a gang and shit hits the fan. [Sequel to I'll Take My Coffee as Sweet as You.]


**AN: Remember how the first part of this series was kind of cute and fluffy? This is definitely _not_ that kind of story, so if you're looking for a continuation of that, then maybe I'll write something along that vein at some point in the near future, haha. I'm a bit enamored with the notion of Kylo being a gang leader, so I've done a bit of retconning in the previous fic (I think before, when it was just a oneshot, it was fairly vague and may have mentioned more of a biker-gang vibe than a drug-dealing/violent one) to coincide with this fic a bit better. But it's fairly difficult to delve into the idea of gang activities without getting pretty angsty, and so this fic gets a little dark at some points.**

 **I left a lot of loose ends open last time, so hopefully this ties them up neatly enough that it's a cohesive work. I don't really think this was the direction a lot of you guys were thinking this universe would go, but sometimes this trash compactor gets out of control!**

* * *

The daytime rush of a Saturday in a coffee shop keeps Rey's mind occupied, and before she knows it, Finn's walking in to start his shift. She'd scheduled herself for an opening shift so that she could have the afternoon and evening off, and her friend's entrance sends an immature spike of giddiness throughout her being. Being the boss has its perks, and Rey is fairly ecstatic about having the rest of the day wide open so that she can go on her first date with Kylo Ren tonight.

If Finn notices that the smiles she's shooting at customers are brighter and more genuine than they usually are, he doesn't make a comment about it. He just grabs an apron and meets her behind the counter, giving her a brief, "Hey," before taking up position at the cash register so that she can focus on making the drinks.

Rey loses herself in the well-memorized art of preparing beverages for her customers, and eventually the line dies down. Grabbing an empty cup and filling it with some cool water, she takes refreshing gulp before wiping off her lips with the back of her arm. "It's been like this all day," she tells Finn as he finishes up a drink and hands it to a waiting girl.

"Typical Saturday, then?"

"Yeah. You good to hold down the fort for the rest of the day?"

"Of course! I'll lock up and everything. You go on and get out of here, you look like you're about five seconds away from bolting."

She can't help but laugh at how well her best friend can read her, and she nods gratefully. "Thanks! Have a good rest of the day, Finn."

Despite meeting through fairly odd means _(_ The words, _Have you seen my boyfriend's cat? Fat orange and white tabby, he bolted off in this direction,_ may or may not have solicited the beginning of the world's most significant search and rescue mission for a cat named BB _),_ Rey is glad her and Finn are as close as they are. Not only does he provide the sense of reliable friendship that she's lacked the majority of her life, she also trusts him with her café. Finn might as well be a co-owner – sometimes she thinks he works the same amount as her, and he carries all of the keys to the building.

Rey grabs her things, waves at Finn as the jingling door to her café signals her exit, and makes her way down the street. Part of the reason she had loved the building her café sits in was because of its close proximity to her apartment complex, and she doesn't mind the brisk fifteen minute walk back home. It keeps her moving, even on days when she can't get to the gym.

Kylo sends her a text asking her to meet him at a specific address at 5 o'clock, so she's got a few hours to relax before preparing to meet up with him.

When she finally leaves, hailing a taxi and giving the driver the address, it turns out he's driving her downtown to what looks like a... coffee and tea shop.

"You're taking me out to a competitor? Some kind of confidence you have there, Kylo," she says as she steps inside and makes her way over to him. He looks far less out of place in this café than he does in hers, mostly because the booths are covered in a dark leather and a relaxing atmosphere.

"Just figured you'd want our first date to be somewhere where you'd already be comfortable," he jokes, and if he's joking then it's definitely a step up from his awkward staring at her without speaking.

She slides into the booth across from him and taps her fingers on the dark varnished table. "Well, I see you didn't try too hard," Rey responds with a smirk. "What are you getting? Wait, let me predict. Hmm, you have a sugar tooth that rivals even the most terrifying of children, so... some kind of sweet mocha." The more she talks, the more vaguely horrified he looks, so she finally says, "Vanilla mocha with chocolate syrup and whipped cream."

The frown he shoots her is mostly in jest, and he despondently murmurs, "I've made a horrible mistake, asking you out."

"Well, now you're stuck with me," she grins back at him. "Did that sound good, or should I get you something else?"

"Hey, now, I can pay," he insists, but she waves him off.

"If I'm trying a competitor's coffee, I can always just expense it later as a business experiment. After all, I do know the boss."

The resounding snort from her date makes her smile, and she wanders off toward the counter to get him the girliest drink she can. When she returns, his eyes widen, and she's about to ask if he's okay before he begrudgingly grabs the drink and starts drinking it.

They end up talking for hours. Rey was right in her previous evaluation of him – when he's not angry, he has this boyish type of charm that transforms him into an endearingly interesting person. She finds herself laughing at his jokes, and he surprises her by keeping up with her sarcastic quips. Definitely a change from the man who could hardly speak a word to her on her own turf, but maybe now that he knows she's interested in him he's coming out of his shell and opening up.

The sun is setting before Kylo leans forward over the table and plants a kiss right on her forehead. "I've had a great time, but I'll let you go so that you can enjoy the rest of your evening."

Rey is enjoying her evening, but if he wants to call the end of the date, then it really is okay. It's kind of sweet that he's not begging her to go back to either his apartment or hers, and she's willing to wait a little bit if it's what he wants.

"Alright," she says, moving to stand up. They've finished more than a few rounds of drinks, and maybe drinking coffee in the evening isn't the best idea because she's a bit wired, but he offers his hand to her and she takes it as they step outside.

While they walk down the sidewalk, hands interlaced, Rey keeps an eye out for a taxi. She finally flags one down, and turns to face him. "I had a great time, Kylo. We should do it again."

"Absolutely," he responds, flashing her a brilliant smile, before he kisses her. It's fairly chaste, just a pressing of lips, but it's still enough to make Rey flush. She's not particularly used to physical contact, and had just been getting used to their held hands, but the kiss feels _good._

When the chain of their interlocked fingers breaks and she climbs into the waiting cab, she waves a goodbye to him. They drive away, and Rey can see him flushing and pressing a few long fingers to his lips as he walks off.

* * *

They go out a few times after that, casual meetings on neutral ground, but their sixth date is less of a date and more of a thinly-veiled sexual-tension-building event. Kylo had told her to wear workout-appropriate clothing before picking her up on his bike, and she has her arms wrapped firmly around his middle as he drives.

The whole motorcycle thing isn't something she ever thought she would find attractive – Poe rides one, but he's never really offered to give her a ride – and maybe it's something to do with the combined fact of being enamored with the person she's pressed closely to as well as the loud growl of the bike between her legs.

Around them, the world slows from a blur to a more visible scenery as the bike's speed decreases. Kylo cuts his engine when they're in front of some kind of gym. As he takes his helmet out and shakes his hair, she pulls her own (well, technically borrowed from him) off. "What are we doing here?" she queries as he pulls her inside the building.

"Okay, I'm not sure if this is going to seem weird, but I can tell that you have some fighting experience," he replies, almost rambling a bit. "I rented out a room so we could maybe spar, but if you're totally freaked out we can do something else?"

He's endearing, the way he looks down at her with his birthmark-riddled cheeks dusting a light pink. "A little bit creepy," she concedes, and before he can say anything else, she adds, "but I can work with that. I'm down to spar, only I grew up using a staff and would prefer a similar weapon..."

"I'm familiar with a sword, and this place is pretty well-equipped with some practice gear." Now that she hasn't responded negatively to his unconventional date idea, he regains his confidence, and grabs her hand as he leads her towards a private room.

Apparently, _familiar with a sword_ means that Kylo is some sort of broadsword-wielding warrior, because the weapon he chooses is huge and looks heavy. Rey grabs a staff that feels most similar to the weapon she's used to, and they square off in the otherwise-empty training room.

The spar is relatively short-lived, if only because they both seem a bit wary about unleashing their full fighting potential against one another. Rey can sense he's holding back, though, and she fights aggressively with her wooden staff. Certainly not as comforting as her metal one, although it's significantly lighter.

She knew as soon as he mentioned sparring that he would underestimate her, and she immediately sets about to destroying that notion. Her attacks are brutal, and though he has enough combat knowledge to block most of her strikes, she does land a few solid hits that are certainly going to leave bruises on his skin.

It's only been a few minutes, but seems much longer when Kylo grins fiercely and says, "Feisty, aren't you?" The words are goading, like he thought she'd be an easy victory, and it motivates her to pursue the offensive.

Maybe she's getting a little sloppy in her movements, though, because he swings down his sword in a brutal physical attack that she can just barely defend against. His wooden sword bears down on her, and she's concentrating on resisting his sheer strength (damn him for having the natural advantage of height and weight!) when he grins almost boyishly and kicks her legs out from underneath her with one foot.

Rey slams against the floor with a forced exhalation of breath. "You cheating fucker," she whines, scowling up at his smirking face.

"As the victor, I would like to collect my prize now," he says, ignoring her complaint, and she's about to make a quip about exactly _where_ he can shove his prize when he does the unexpected and offers her a hand up. From this angle, she can tell from his tight pants that flooring her has apparently turned him on, and it gives her a _magnificent_ idea.

She takes it as he helps her stand, and she sets into motion, catching him by surprise as she shoves him up against the closest wall. Maybe the impact isn't as satisfying as it should have been, given how hard she'd fallen on the floor, but he still gasps for air when she smirks at him and grabs his length through his pants.

"Rey," he pants as she massages him through the clothing. " _Fuck."_ He looks incredible this way, aroused and mouth open to allow his soft exclamations of pleasure to pass his lips, and it's too tempting to resist. She presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss to his lips.

His reaction gives her a surge of confidence, and she drops to her knees and brings his pants and underwear down in one swift motion. Releasing him into the brimming tension of the room causes him to groan quietly, and she drinks him in.

Kylo's cock is long and thick, a tribute to his tall stature, and it is flushed pink within its nestling of dark, thick curls. Experimentally, because even through her arousal, this is a new experience and she's going to glean as much information from it as she can, she wraps one hand around his length and pumps her hand up one, twice.

"Nng," the man above her moans intelligently. The tables have completely turned, and the confident winner of their spar has disappeared as Kylo's head slams back against the wall of the training room when Rey wraps her lips around the tip of his cock.

Despite her lack of experience in this, it's empowering to feel him fall apart under the ministrations of her mouth and tongue, and Rey releases his cock with a soft _pop_ before licking a stripe up its shaft.

She ponders the efficiency of using both her hands _and_ mouth, and takes him back into the wet, hot cavern of her mouth while using a hand to stroke the areas she can't reach. She's not so naive as to be unaware of the notion of deep-throating, her best friends are guys, after all, but it's not something that Rey thinks is possible right now.

Or necessary, apparently, because Kylo is whimpering at the sensation of her, and it isn't long before he manages to pant, "I'm, _mm,_ going to come."

Though it's expected after his words, Rey isn't entirely prepared for the thick fluid that quickly fills her mouth after she flattens her cheeks and gives him a tight sucking of pressure, and she bears through the pulsing of his cock before wrinkling her nose and swallowing thickly.

Kylo slides down the wall until he's sitting down at her level, and she can feel his heart racing as she props her head on his shoulder.

"Good?" she asks, hoping that was alright. She's sopping wet and feeling riled up now that the first barrier of sex between them has been breached.

He looks at her like she's ridiculous, and she feels only the slightest bit self-conscious before he blissfully sighs, " _Incredible."_

As soon as he's recovered, they hang up their weapons and Kylo murmurs in her ear about the things he wants to do to her.

The bike ride back to her apartment is the longest bike ride in the entire existence of the universe, but as soon as they make it inside Kylo returns the favor twofold. Rey has absolutely no complaints.

* * *

She's relaxing on Finn's couch and spacing out while some action movie plays on the television when Finn sits down next to her.

"Alright, it's officially time to spill the beans."

"Hm?" she asks. BB jumps up onto her lap, purring and making a few vocalized squeaking noises that she's never heard any other cat make before. She scratches under his chin and she smiles as his claws knead into the flesh of her upper thighs.

Finn gives her an unimpressed look.

"Okay, I met a guy," she laughs. Rey isn't sure why she's withheld the information for so long – well, okay, it's not as though she's keeping Kylo a secret, but it's been awhile since the two of them have hung out and she hasn't mentioned anything before now. "He's the one who always shows up dressed in black, looking like the world's out to get him."

"Oh, man. I remember him, he stares at me like he's about to murder me without even touching me. Had to go with the rebellious, angsty type, did you? What's tall, dark, and handsome's name?"

The description is fairly apt, and she chuckles enough that BB looks up at her with what she swears is a displeased look. "Sorry, BB," she says, stroking down his back to calm him down. He settles back into her lap, purring quietly. "His name's Kylo."

For the past three years of their friendship, Rey has seen Finn look scared more times than she can count. Her best friend is frightened of roller-coasters, has a weird, nervous aversion to masks, and refuses to get on any kind of motorcycle, even if it's his boyfriend's.

This isn't Finn scared, though. This is the look of a man who is absolutely terrified, and Rey hardly notices as BB yelps and jumps off her lap. Her best friend is stricken, and Rey pieces together why he would look this way. She's aware that Kylo has gang-affiliations, but she hadn't thought it could be _this_ bad. He obviously hasn't mentioned anything to her, and it's not even like they're really dating too seriously or anything, but the only thing she can think of that would terrify Finn to this extent is that he's more significant of a figure than she put credence into.

"Finn – "

"Rey," he interrupts. It feels like the calm before a storm. Scared Finn is infinitely preferable to this one, whose voice is steady and firm despite the unbridled _fear_ flashing in his dark eyes. "He's dangerous, and you need to remove yourself from the situation immediately. This isn't a joke, you don't know what he's capable of."

Rey doesn't have a response. She wants to defend him, wants to explain in exacting detail just how pleasant and thoughtful and adorable he's capable of being, but she isn't a complete idiot and she remembers how devastated Finn had been when he'd shown up at her door at 3 in the morning with a halfway beaten-to-death Poe leaning against him.

"Who is he?" she says quietly after a moment's silence.

"Shit," Finn swears. He's always so expressive, and this composed terror she sees on his face is even more alarming than anything else. When he's scared, he makes nervous jokes, laughing and waving his arms around to express his discontent, but now he looks almost placid as she watches him. "He's their goddamn leader, Rey," he finally says. "There's three of them, he's got Hux, who's like his right hand, and then there's this blonde woman named Phasma that oversees the majority of his underlings. But he's the ringleader, he owns them all."

The name rings a bell, and Rey winces. She had meant to ask him about _Hux_ , but she'd gotten distracted with Kylo and his charmingly endearing quips and pale, tempting flesh. This is so fucked. "Okay," she sighs, breathing through the hurt and trying to reason out a plan. "I'll just break it off with him, we have a date coming up. I can avoid the fallout by saying it's just, shit, not working out or something, okay? Finn, I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

They must be channeling each others' pain, because Finn wraps her into a tight hug. Rey stays silent after that, letting the idle sounds of the movie on television fill the room.

When Poe arrives home, plopping his helmet onto the kitchen island's counter-top, he senses the tension in the room. Finn responds to his boyfriend, getting up and moving to give him a kiss, and Rey can hear them murmuring to each other.

"Fuck, girl, I never wanted to get you involved in this shit," Poe says after they're done talking. He makes his way over to her. "But I've gotta take you to meet someone."

She certainly isn't expecting _that_ out of Poe's mouth, but a quick look at Finn displays his resigned look and agreeing nod.

* * *

Leia Organa is not what Rey imagined when Poe had begun talking about the Resistance. The woman is around her height with graceful wrinkles etched across her face, and she looks kindly at Rey as they're introduced.

"I apologize that they've involved you," she says, and what kind of gang says something like that? It's ludicrous, and Rey can't help the puzzled look that blooms across her features.

"The Resistance isn't a drug gang or anything like that," Poe jumps in to explain. She feels fairly shell-shocked, suddenly being dragged into this, and Kylo's phone call from what felt like ages ago slams into the forefront of her mind. Even if the Resistance isn't like that, the First Order emphatically is.

"We're mostly fighting with them, trying to glean info and break up the drug rings around the city. It's violent, but the police can't do anything with all the rats Hux has in the precinct, and Leia jokes a lot about the Resistance being a glorified vigilante group."

Leia seems very professional, but she breaks out of that persona to roll her eyes at Poe's words. "I've only said that once, Dameron." The woman seems to sense that her presence is not necessary, and she gracefully steps away to leave Rey with her two lying friends.

"And my two best friends decided not to tell me any of this _why?_ You told me you were out of the gangs, Finn!" her voice is shrill at this point, and she punctuates her words with a stiff punch to Finn's shoulder. "This is fucked up, you guys!"

Poe intervenes, grabbing her wrist as she moves to sock him as well. "Rey, you're a café owner, you're not exactly someone that should get involved."

"Do you think I'm weak? I can protect myself, I did it _fine_ for all of my life before I even met you guys!"

"No, damn it. That's not it, you're just too good to get caught up in this physical violence shit, and we wanted to ensure that you were removed from it!" Poe's getting emotional at this point, and it's riling her up too.

"Finn's dedicated to working for you, you know that! He only helps me out when I really need it. If you want to blame anyone, I'm your guy," Poe continues, and the rant she's about to let loose on him stops dead on her lips.

That's not true, _her_ guy is apparently a gang leader and a brutal, ruthless member at the top of the chain of command. The thought makes her feel abruptly sick, and the weight of these revelations have her feeling exhausted. Her friends have been lying to her, and the guy she's pretty sure she's halfway in love with is a crime lord. Her life has to be some cruel joke: a decade of no human attachment had been vicious on Rey as a young girl, and the connections that she's only now beginning to forge are crumbling apart as the veil of deceit is parted.

As though the disclosures aren't enough, Finn puts a hand on her shoulder and she only just manages to avoid flinching at it. "There's one more thing, Rey."

"Of course there is," she laughs, almost hysterically. "Go ahead, better tell me now."

Finn looks like he's about to cry, and she can't even find it in herself to feel bad for him. "Kylo Ren... hasn't always been his name. She doesn't talk about it much, but Leia's his, uh, mother. He used to be Ben Solo before the First Order recruited him when he was younger."

Rey stares at both of them. They've been hiding all of this information for as long as she's known them, and maybe she should have talked about Kylo to one of them before she got too involved with him, but the betrayal stabbing through her heart is savage.

A chime from her phone has her moving automatically to read it, desperate for any form of distraction, but it's a message from Kylo that reads, _I'll see you tomorrow, can I pick you up at 6?_

How is she even supposed to go on a date with him tomorrow? How is she even supposed to swallow past this lump in her throat and the burning in her eyes?

"Take me home," she says quietly to one of them, and she isn't sure if it's Finn or if it's Poe who responds to the request. She supposes it doesn't really matter.

* * *

The next day comes too quickly, and Rey feels as though she's one crack away from shattering. She had honestly considered closing the café for the day, maybe writing a note to stick on the front entrance door speaking about a family emergency – and isn't that a hilarious thought – but a look at her phone shows a message from Finn that says, _Take the day off. I've got the café covered._ It's funny, that he's willing to take care of her in some ways and then abandon her in others.

Staying in bed is the most appealing thought she's had in awhile, now that her coffee shop has been handled for the day, and she doesn't move from her shield of warm blankets until it becomes absolutely necessary. The clock hits 5, and she has to get ready to meet the abhorrent man she's made the mistake of getting to know.

Reluctantly, she moves to the shower and lets the scalding hot onslaught of water sluice down her body until the water runs cold. The change in both water temperature and pressure is a stiff reminder of her living situation, and she bites down on a shiver as she climbs out.

After her shower, Rey stares at herself in the mirror wrapped in just a towel. The hurt she's feeling radiates outward from her heart, but the hard part hasn't even happened yet. She has to get it together, at least for the rest of the night, and as she observes her mirrored self, she inspects the heavily-freckled bridge of her nose and the shape of her chapped lips.

She's stronger than this, has survived worse than a few people hurting her feelings. She can be the spitfire that refused to take any shit from anyone in the orphanage, the tough, independent girl that learned how to fight and scavenge and survive when everyone had abandoned her. This is going to be difficult, she won't lie to herself, but it's doable.

All of the psyching up she's done in front of her mirror seems to dissipate as a sleek black car pulls up to her complex. She had opted to wear a dress, and is thankful he's not picking her up on his bike, though the car does beg the question of its origin.

It's a fairly safe topic of discussion, so she inquires about it and forces a smile when he responds that he's just borrowing it from a friend. The interior of the car is tense, and Rey runs the constant reminder of how she needs to play normal in her mind for the duration of the ride.

They are seated quickly once Kylo mentions his name and reservation plans. Dimmed lights fill the restaurant with an ambiance that makes Rey squirm in the tight black dress she's wearing. The place reeks of affluence, and she feels entirely out of place amid the several different types of silverware and tuxedo-ed waiters. The dress she's wearing was a thrift store find and can hardly hold a candle to the clothing of literally anyone else in this entire establishment, and she bites her lip as she looks across the table to Kylo, who is wearing a gentle smile and gazing at her.

Rey feels uncomfortable, and she's unsure as to how much of her countenance is revealed to her date. Maybe she can play on her complete lack of cultured awareness and escape this entire fucked-up situation safely, and she jiggles a knee up and down anxiously underneath the table.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, thinking about how to fake emotions while she's working at the café and forcing a smile upon her lips. "I feel like I don't belong in such a grand place."

And damn him, because his smile drops and he looks genuinely abashed at her words. "Shit, Rey, I'm sorry, is it too fancy for you? I wanted to bring you somewhere lovely, but if you're uncomfortable – "

"No," she says, and the forced laughter out of her throat feels like choking up something rancid. How dare he play on her emotions like this? He's cruel, Finn's told her some of the awful things that the First Order has done, and he's taken advantage of her by presenting such an appealing, _faked_ personality.

Kylo runs a hand through his hair, and he looks almost nervous. They've been on a few dates now, hell, he's seen her naked, but he always seems skittish around her, as though his interactions with women have been minimal and he's constantly on the verge of screwing up.

The tail-end of that thought is remarkably accurate, and Rey tries to calm herself and think up a clever way to break up with him without ending up on a hit list of some sort.

"This is fine, it's all very extravagant," she says slowly. "I'm not even sure I could pronounce many items on the menu."

He chuckles at that. "You can just point for the waiter, and if you don't know what something is I'll tell you."

"It feels like you're mocking my intelligence," she says lightly, trying to ease into their familiar banter to soother her frazzled nerves.

"Or lack thereof?" is his response as he appraises her with a smug look on his face. Rey prefers to give him a nonverbal reply and instead kicks him under the table. To his credit, he stifles the noise of pain and gives her a mock glare. "The rudest girl I've ever met..."

The waiter interrupts them, bringing them some kind of French wine that sounds far too expensive to be wasted on someone like her. It's a reminder of who she's dining with, and does not fail to invoke anxious butterflies in her stomach.

When their meals arrive in the midst of their casual railing of one another, Rey occupies herself with her food. She really has never dined in such a lavish restaurant before, and the steak that she's splurged on truly is an edible work of art. Before she knows it, though, their plates are clean and their wine flutes are empty.

It has to be now, the meal is over, and she knows that the money in her purse that will cover her half of the meal is a significant chunk taken out of her budget, but if she doesn't foot the bill then he'll probably think she's been taking advantage of him. Rey steels herself, letting out a quiet, calming breath, before she smiles and catches his attention.

"Hey, Kylo?" and she takes his hand despite the fact that it fills her with a sense of revulsion. What else has he done with these hands, other than pleasuring her and caressing her as though he actually cares about another human being?

He looks toward her inquisitively, but his eyes lock with hers for only the briefest of moments before trailing past to look at something behind her.

Before her eyes, the Kylo that she knows, the one who groans as she unclothes and gives her soft, affectionate smiles, seems to disappear in front of her. Rey turns her head to see what's caught her date's attention, and she sees a suited, tall redhead making his way over to their table.

Kylo's features have taken on a dark, almost cruel, glint, and he calmly drawls, "Why are you here?" in a tone of voice that she's never heard from him before.

"I do apologize," the redhead responds. He spares her a pithy glance before continuing. "You asked not to be interrupted, but we've a vital situation that requires immediate attention."

The glare Kylo shoots at the man is monstrous as he growls, "There is a _reason_ I have been unavailable, and your presence _irritates_ me. Are you truly so incapable of handling a single thing on your own?"

They're talking like she isn't even there, and the both of them are postured stiffly and aggressively. Kylo looks as though he is about to unleash his anger on the delicate glass decorating the table, and Rey can't even think rationally anymore.

Perhaps it was a bad idea to drink during the meal, but what's unfolding in front of her eyes is undeniable proof that she's making the right decision. It's all too screwed up, and the alcohol sits warm in her belly as she clears her throat.

Kylo stops speaking to pay her attention, and the redheaded man – Hux, he must be – turns displeased eyes toward her.

Rey's about to entirely sabotage any chance she had of escaping this restaurant with her life. " _You,"_ she says, and she points at him while she's still sitting down, which seems unacceptable, so she pushes her chair back to stand. Her hand is shaking, but she continues, "are a fucking _liar._ I can't play this game of civility with you any longer when this is who you really are."

And she's waving her hands around haphazardly, suggesting that everything in the immediate vicinity is an obscene deception. "Stay away from me, got it? I'm done with this, us, you just go back to being some untouchable asshole in a leather jacket."

To top it all off, there is absolutely no way to salvage the biting, "And you should probably remember who your goddamn mother is, _Ben Solo,"_ that she snarls at him as she snatches at her purse and storms out through the front door.

Does she have a death wish?

She must, because she replays the scene in her mind and can't imagine any way that he's going to let her live after this.

Rey doesn't entirely recall how she gets home, though she does remember looking in her purse to see the money she'd allocated for the meal has a slight dent in it. Must've paid a cab, then.

Her phone begins to ring almost immediately, and she throws it violently against a wall without even looking at it. The battery must have fallen out at the impact, because now it's gone silent, and Rey wishes that the rest of the apartment could be the same. Instead, it's filled with these agonizing, wailing noises of sorrow, and maybe her self-preservation has set in because she refuses to acknowledge that they are borne of her own lungs.

* * *

It is almost three entire days before Rey wakes up and makes the decision to go back to her café.There's apparently not a hit out on her because she's still alive, so she figures it is safe to leave the confines of her apartment walls.

The past few days have felt like sluggish nightmares of emotion, and Rey cannot remember a time when such an absolute upheaval of feeling has hit her so hard. She supposes that the agony in her chest stems from her attempts at building lasting relationships. Because she had never had the time to cultivate such a thing in a world that forced her to survive rather than appreciate the luxuries, the significant effort she's made to connect with others and form bonds only to deal with treachery strikes her harder than when she was alone.

The attempt at normalcy feels fairly pathetic, and all of the foundation in the world cannot cover up the dark bruises underneath her eyes, but working herself back into a routine seems to be the only thing that sounds bearable right now.

Faking happiness comes easily to her after years of working customer service, and Rey appreciates the steady flow of customers. A few regulars pop in over the course of her first day back and express their worry over her appearance, and their simplistic acts of compassion almost drive her to tears. She manages to mumble out a watery, "I'm fine, thank you so much for worrying!" whenever anyone deigns to ask, and eventually business slows as night draws nearer.

The weeks elapse slowly once she returns to work, but the café is her life now and serves as her foundation. Breaking down to nothing and hitting rock bottom means the only way to go now is up, and the calming pastels of the café and comforting scents of coffee and tea surrounding her are therapeutic.

Finn seems to have a knack for coming in just as she's leaving, and their contact is minimal. She knows he's hurting as much as she is, but the betrayal still feels raw, and she can't bring herself to strike up a conversation.

It's been maybe an entire month – she doesn't really pay much attention to the days – when Poe steps into the café and corners her behind the counter. She's legitimately considering kicking him in a vulnerable location for physically trapping her, that's just screwed up, when he looks at her and blurts out, "Rey, we are so fucking sorry."

They aren't magical words that completely eliminate the broken rift between the three of them, but it's definitely a start. Days pass easier after their reconciliation, and at least Rey isn't completely alone again.

She's still sleeping like shit, though, and stifles a yawn as a customer grabs their drink off her counter.

Jingling bells indicate a new customer walking in, and Rey smiles slightly to herself. Tying bells onto the door had seemed so silly at the time of opening her café, but now the sound is so familiar that it's endearingly comforting. She looks up to provide a welcome greeting, but the words die immediately in her throat when she sees who has walked in.

Kylo Ren still has enough control over her body that she feels a shock of attraction toward his tall stature, but her instinctive, primal reaction is quickly overtaken by her feelings of hatred and repulsion.

Rey is two seconds from screaming at him to leave her shop _or else_ when she really observes him. His clothes are dark, like always, though there are tears and rips riddling his body. She thinks she sees some cuts marring his skin where the fabric is torn, and his knuckles are swollen and bloody. Kylo makes his way up to the counter and says, softly, "Just a hot coffee, please. That's all, I swear."

Kylo honestly looks like he's trying to avoid a fight with her, even if his appearance indicates that fighting is something he's been doing a lot of lately, and she slams down a paper cup on the counter after writing _Asshole_ on it.

"Hope it burns you," she says as she takes his money and fills the cup before shoving it at him. He reaches out to grab it and audibly hisses as he lifts it, and she realizes that maybe his wrist is seriously injured.

The man is obviously not going to go to a hospital if his first choice was to go to a goddamn coffee shop, and Rey can see that some of her other customers are warily watching Kylo. He looks like a mess, and she knows she's making a mistake even as she pulls out her phone and scrolls through her contacts.

"Finn," she says in a clipped tone when he picks up on the third ring. "I need you to come cover my shift at the café now."

He sounds like she's about to protest, but she says, " _Now,_ Finn," and he agrees and says he's on the way.

Rey gives him a stern look. "Go sit down," she commands, and as he moves towards the couches, she calls out, "Hell no! Go sit in a chair that you're not going to bleed on."

Apparently the fighting has his morale more shot down than anything else, because he redirects his path and sits down in a metal chair without a single noise of protest. Shit, that probably means he's been beat up roughly, and Rey is annoyed at herself for the niggle of worry that itches down her spine.

Finn comes quickly, at least, and she nods to him despite the fact that they're not really speaking right now. She grabs the idiot and he trails after her as she strides quickly toward her apartment.

The walk is quiet and filled with tension, and Rey doesn't look back at him until they make it to her front door. Her hands are shaking slightly as she unlocks it, and Kylo follows her inside.

Things are going to be difficult if they don't talk, so she clears her throat and says," Well, might as well see the full extent of the damage." And with a confidence she absolutely doesn't feel, she pushes him down onto her couch (which is a bad idea, because it reminds her of the other things they've done on that couch) and starts to push his shirt up over his chest.

Rey tries to keep a calm countenance, reminding herself that she hates him and is just going to patch his injuries up before sending him on his way because that's what a good person does, even if the person they're helping doesn't deserve it. It's easier said than done, though, as her hands skim across his now-bared upper half. He's cut in several different locations, and though some are still oozing blood, at least none are too deep.

The ebony of his clothing had done well to hide the bleeding wounds, though, and there are more slices than she'd been expecting. She's certainly not a doctor, and as she unveils the full extent of his injuries she murmurs, "You really need to go to the hospital."

But he shakes his head in the negative, still quietly allowing her to touch and prod at his injuries, and she sighs at his stubbornness before moving to the bathroom to get some first aid supplies. She's had more than her fair share of wounds that needed self-medication in the past, before, and over the years she's become proficient at patching up most cuts and scrapes.

He doesn't even flinch as she douses him in peroxide, ruining a perfectly good bath towel as it sops up both blood and peroxide. Smearing disinfectant over the majority of the cuts, Rey moves to inspect his hands. At the knuckles, they're a shredded mess, and she feels only the slightest bit of sympathy as she pours the rest of the peroxide bottle over both of his hands. The only noise of pain that trickles out of his throat is when she adjusts her grip on his left wrist, and she recalls that it had seemed damaged.

Bruises mottle the pale flesh of his wrist, and it's fairly swollen. Rey thinks at the very best it's sprained, but there may be a fractured bone somewhere in there, and she looks at him to vocalize her concern.

"I'm not going to a hospital," he says before she can, voice gruff.

"Fine, see if I care," she responds, even though her careful first aid delivery clearly shows she's a stupid girl that _does_ care. She grabs a bandage and begins to wrap it firmly. Rey thinks about asking how all of this happened, but the Kylo Ren sitting in front of her is not someone she particularly wants to converse with.

When he's all bandaged up and disinfected, she makes a move to put the remaining medical supplies away. Kylo stops her, though, grabbing her wrist and making her pause.

"Thank you," he says quietly, almost begrudgingly.

"It's fine," she says, but he's pulling her down to the couch with him and giving her this awful look that makes her want to cry, and then he's leaning closer to her and pressing their mouths together and Rey _can't_ do anything but push back into him.

She feels his gratitude in the kiss, but also the darkness that fills him, and he growls, a deep noise, before he's grasping her body tightly and biting her lip hard enough that it bleeds.

Rey pulls away to gasp at the cocktail of pain and pleasure, and before she can regain her bearings, he's pushing back up to meet her again. They're tumbling into one another, frantic, hot kisses trading between them. Rey thinks she's crying, her emotions an over-flooded dam, and he's murmuring her name reverently between lascivious kisses pressed upon her skin.

They make it to her bed, somehow, and she's struggling out of her shirt and jeans to frantically press her own skin against his already-revealed flesh. When she frees her legs and lies there in just her bra and underwear, he climbs on top of her.

Starting at her ankle, Kylo licks and kisses a path up her calf, knee, and then thigh. One he reaches the apex of her thighs, he's giving her gentle nips and soothing the hurts with his tongue. She groans at the teasing as he bypasses her sex and moves to lick a stripe up the flat expanse of her stomach. Her eyes are pressed shut tightly, amplifying the feeling of his mouth on her exposed body, and she's mewling wantonly at his actions.

Kylo seems to know that she's needy for him, because he presses a few apologetic kisses on her hip bones before he moves back to unbutton his own pants.

They're both beyond words, at this point, and he has to know how desperate she is for him. It's perverse how easily he sinks into her, as though they are puzzle pieces meant to slot together, but the feeling fills her in a way that soothes the pain in her heart, if only for the briefest of moments.

Tenderness, caressing love is absent in their rut. Rey feels as though she's at her most primal, basic instincts as he fucks her, hard, and it's immensely satisfying to hear his resounding moans of pleasure.

They come together, her slick inner walls spasming around his hard length in sensory overload, and he grunts her name as he comes inside of her.

When they both come down from their mutual high, Rey wipes at the sweat condensing on her forehead. Kylo is beside her, still panting, and she thinks that she can hear his heart pounding in the quiet of the room.

"Is this worth throwing away? Am I?" she asks softly, and she's proud that her voice doesn't crack.

"It's not that simple," he says, frustration leaking into his words. He runs a hand through his hair as though it will remedy how trashed he looks.

"I think it is, and I guess that answers the question."

Kylo looks at her then, pinning her with a glare. "Do you think I can just walk away from everything I've done?" he demands.

"I think it's clear that you're choosing not to," Rey spits back, feeling the hurt and anger mingle in her breast. "You're just a power-hungry coward and you'd rather turn your back on your family and doing the right thing than deal with the consequences of your actions."

He isn't going to change, that much is clear. She doesn't know why she even bothered to help him instead of yelling at him to leave her café, but it's clear that she made the wrong judgement call.

"I'm such an idiot," she huffs almost disbelievingly, but really, what did she expect? A couple of dates and the ability to completely change his mind?

It's a bit humiliating to lie naked on your own bed and scream at someone to leave, but Kylo at least has the courtesy not to argue with that as he fumbles his pants back on and quickly vacates her apartment.

* * *

When Kylo fucking Ren waltzes into her café for the second time in a week, Rey loses it. She's lucky that it's a weekend and that a few other employees are on duty, because she storms up to him before pulling him non-too-gently into the _Employees Only_ part of the shop.

"I don't know who the _fuck_ you think you are," she says, her voice a mere decibel beneath yelling, "but if you come into my café one more time, I'm calling the police and getting a fucking _restraining order._ I don't want to see you anywhere near me again, is that clear?"

He doesn't make eye contact with her, which only serves to infuriate her further. She shoves at his shoulders, forcing him a pace back, before barking, "Anything to say for yourself, Ren? Or do you just keep fucking up my life for fun?"

Kylo finally brings his head up to lock eyes with her. His eyes are dark and hurt-looking, and the bags underneath them could rival her own. It fills her with a sick sense of satisfaction, seeing that he's as sleep-deprived as she's been. She hopes that his heart hurts as much as hers does, too, because the past months of her life have been so fucked up that she almost needs someone to feel the same level of pain that she's experienced.

"I'm going to leave it all behind," he says at length, and his face seems closed off in its composure. "I know I am unworthy of your forgiveness, but I wanted, _needed_ you to know. I'm disbanding the First Order."

"Yeah," she chuckles, but it isn't a pleasant noise at all. "I'll believe _that_ when I see it. Now get out."

* * *

Buzzing with the notification of an incoming call, Rey scowls down at the unrecognizable number. She's in the middle of her shift, but a quick glance around her pastel café shows that her current guests are all preoccupied and have proper nourishment. She picks up with a wary, "Hello, this is Rey?"

On the other end is the incoherent sobbing of what sounds like a woman, and Rey wonders if it's a prank call or something. "Uh, hello?"

"Rey," the voice rasps out before she hears another sob over the line. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"I'm sorry, I think you may have the wrong number?" She is fairly sure she did hear her name spoken, but this emotional gratitude seems misdirected.

"No, no," the person, a woman, responds. A moment passes where she clears her throat and coughs heavily, and then she speaks again, "This is Leia Organa."

"Oh," Rey responds, unsure of what else to say. How did she even get her number? "Can I help you?" She looks down at her nails, feeling a bit unsettled by the call. There's a hangnail on her right index finger, and she brings it up to her mouth to chew on while she waits for the woman's response.

"Oh, dear, you already have," and Leia's finally starting to sound consistently audible at this point. "More than I will ever be able to thank you for."

Well, now things have apparently begun to orbit the realm of strangeness. "For... what?" Rey still hasn't even really forgiven Finn and Poe, which is all she can think of as a reason for the call. They're starting to talk again, but conversations are still stilted and awkward, and Rey isn't entirely sure how they're going to repair the broken trust between them.

"My son – he's – Ben, he turned himself in, they're going to give him a plea bargain if he gives up enough significant information, he mentioned you and I just – " and her breath hitches again before the crying starts anew.

Rey isn't entirely sure how to react, other than by forming a small 'O' with her lips and almost dropping her phone. "Um," she vocalizes. "What did he say about me?"

Another beat passes before Leia is coherent enough to respond. "We didn't talk long, he called me from jail, but he said you were a strong motivation and that he was going to correct things..."

She wouldn't necessarily call verbally beating the shit out of him _motivating_ , but if it's done the job, then it isn't her place to complain. The ache in her heart has not faded in the slightest bit since she chewed him out, still raw from compromising herself _again_ by opening up to him despite his stubbornness to pursue the wrong path.

He's certainly not going to get off the hook easily with the authorities, but Rey does feels a little bit lighter as she talks to Leia. Maybe Kylo Ren can disappear, and although she'll probably miss that dark, brooding man in a leather jacket, she thinks that Ben Solo sounds just as appealing. He has chosen the bigger picture, here, which means that maybe he could be also choosing _her._

"I'm so happy to hear it," Rey says, and the words are authentic. "Thank you for letting me know, Leia."

" _No,_ I'm the one thanking you here," she insists across the line. "You've brought my son back to me, how can I ever repay you?"

They're going to have a lot to get through, when his sins are paid for and he works to redeem himself, but Rey can't really bring herself to feel guilty for falling as hard as she has for him. Still, it probably isn't the proper time to respond, _By letting me date him?_ so she settles for, "Can we meet up? I think I need to see you."

And, as it turns out, Leia's compassion and gratitude are exactly what she needs to begin healing.


End file.
